DPO 5, cycle 2

This may seem an odd place to start a TTC journal.  I am in the middle of the two week wait.  This could be the time!  In that case, this will turn from a trying-to-conceive journal to a pregnancy journal tout de suite. Otherwise, I shall go on chronicling this weird time in my life just because it seems the modern thing to do.

I am 42 years old. Why, you may ask, would I just be deciding to have a child at this "advanced maternal age"? Well, this is not the way I thought my life would go. Truthfully, I never thought I would want children until I accidentally had one 20 years ago. She was the love of my life. I did everything wrong, from divorcing her father to letting him have custody of her (he was a bully, I - a wimp), and so on. She had a rough life. She would have turned out fine in the end, if a bit rough around the edges from her early life experiences. She would have -- except she was killed in a car accident several years ago. She was seventeen.

But, that is not why I'm trying to conceive. Not entirely, at any rate. Before my daughter died, I met the man of my dreams. My true soul mate. At that point, we were old enough to hear our biological clocks ticking, but young enough to believe that we could still make a baby. I talked it over with my daughter and she was all for it. It was going to be perfect.

Except the part where my daughter was killed in a car accident. And I was in no emotional state after she died to think about trying again. So we waited... and waited...

And now, I am 42 and he is 38. Is it too late? I suppose we shall see.