Five Weeks to Go

This pregnancy is winding down and I have barely posted anything about it.  We spent six weeks on Thailand, which I blogged about on our family site.  Now, I'm just waiting.  The baby has dropped noticeably.  I am very thankful because I was getting to the point of extreme discomfort.  I could barely breathe and the kid's feet were constantly knocking my rib cage.  Now, I am experiencing only major discomfort, which is a nice improvement.  Little feet still kick the rib cage now and then, but I try not to complain about that.  At least she's head-down.  One less thing to worry about.

My big issue right now is iron deficiency which means I have to take iron supplements.  Iron supplements really wreak havoc on my digestive system.  I have switched to a liquid version called Floradix in the hope that it will be less horrible than the Slow-FE I was taking, which itself was much better than the Feosol.  It is too soon to tell, but I am optimistic. 

In the meantime, little Callie is kicking and squirming and seems to be just perfect in every measurable way.  Her heart rate was nice at our last midwife appointment.  It increased a little when she kicked the Doppler and then went back down when she stopped squirming.  The midwife said this was a good sign.

Tired.

I made it past the first trimester.  Woo!  The morning sickness subsided a few weeks ago, and I am not nearly as exhausted as I had been.  I am, however, really tired.  My sinuses are inflamed and painful, and I feel like I'm on the verge of tears constantly.  I just want to sleep.

I bought some maternity jeans at Goodwill last night.  I got three pairs of jeans for the price of one pair at the Gap.  I felt like a conquering hero.  "AHA!  You can not force me to waste my money in your capitalistic endeavors! muahaha!"

But then, DH and I got in a big fight last night over where we're going to have the baby.  The fight was really over the fact that he was talking to other people about what THEY thought we should do and had never stopped to ask me what I thought was important or what my goals were or what I wanted.  We had a long talk and worked things out, but it was emotionally exhausting.  All I want is to crawl under the covers.

And there was much rejoicing

Made the big announcement today.  Everyone was supportive and excited.  I was afraid I would get at least a little bit of "aren't you too old for that?"  But, I suspect most of my friends and co-workers don't know how old I actually am and my family just would never do that.

Today marks 12 weeks.  According to one of the three counting systems I've seen discussed, I'm moving into the second trimester now.  That's good news because it means the risk of miscarriage is way, way down.  But, you never know what is going to happen in this world, and I've seen bad things happen later in pregnancies too.  No use dwelling on the worst-case scenario.  Especially since there's little I can do to prevent the worst from happening.  I can eat right, exercise, and do all the correct things and still get some random genetic fluke.  Best not to dwell on those possibilities.

My NT scan came back "normal," although they did not give me the complete numbers.  I had the first trimester genetic screening as well, but it will be a week or so before I get those results.  I am trying hard to stay optimistic and confident.  It's amazing that I'm doing as well as I am, considering that I'm completely off my depression meds.  Go, go functional me!

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention . ..

I'm pregnant.  Yay.  I did not do a good job of documenting my journey to pregnant-hood at all.  But, yeah.  Gonna have a baby.  Whoda thunk it?

I would say I'll do better documenting my pregnancy, but I don't like making promises I'm unlikely to keep.  I will say, I'll try.

So far, I've had morning sickness in a weird way.  No throwing up, just constant nausea.  I wished I'd throw up, was even tempted to stick a finger down my throat a few times just hoping for a little relief, but no.  The pregnancy sickness has gotten better in the last week or so.  I've passed the nine week mark, which my doctor told me was when morning sickness was supposed to *start*.  But, not for me.  It started around 6 weeks and then started getting better around 9 weeks.

Root canal day

Wow that last post was whiny. Feeling better today, but maybe because of the rc drugs. They will wear off at some point hopefully after i get home and find a comfy place to nest. Look at me keeping appointments and dealing with life. I haven't fallen over yet.

Officially depressed

That did not last long.  I just went off the Prozac January 1 and I'm not doing well already.  I tried starting St. John's Wort, but either it's taking a really long time to build up in my system or it just isn't going to work for me.

Last night, I couldn't stop crying after DH stomped around the house yelling at himself for something he did.  It wasn't even directed at me.   I can't concentrate at work.  I'm starting to get that feeling of being down in a well, looking way up at the rest of the world moving around up there without me.  That's how it always starts.  First, the inability to function.  Then the guilt and feelings of worthlessness because I'm not functioning.  Then, it gets really bad.

Dr. Jeanne told me that Prozac can stay in your system for weeks (or sometimes even months) and that she wouldn't be surprised if the only reason I'd been doing marginally well since I stopped taking it was that it was still floating around in my system and I could be in for serious trouble when it finally wears out of my system.  She said I need to go see my pdoc, and I shouldn't be self-medicating and yadda yadda.  I tried, but his next available appointment is Feb 16.  I made the appointment anyway, but it seems like a million years away. 

I know that all three doctors (including the teeny-bopper OB/Gyn I went to) told me that the risks of going off the Prozac may be higher than the risks of staying on it, and I know that I've done this before (gone off meds without checking with the doc) to no good end, and I know that I'm at high risk of recurrent major depressive episodes which have in the past led to suicidal thoughts.  I know.  I know.   I know.  I just hate meds.  I hate hate hate having to take a frickin pill every day.  I hate the side effects.  I hate not knowing what the long term effects on my body will be.  I hate that other people function and live without having to medicate.  I hate that people judge and criticize me (and others) for being on meds as though we were just doing it because it was some fad or something and not because it keeps us from dying.

I had hoped that adding regular exercise would help.  It's supposed to help.  But, all the studies are based on people with mild to moderate depression.  None of the alternative therapies have been shown to work with the majors.  I keep hoping they just haven't done the studies right, but so far... not so much with the helping.

Company party sucked

I think the CEO was the only one having any fun. But, that's pretty much the theme here at My Company (tm).